explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
