just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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