I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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