he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
