Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
