how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
