I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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