If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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