Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I want is dick and wine.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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