I cannot find my penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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