So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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