Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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