spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
