Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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