Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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