i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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