So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
