Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
