The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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