Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There r osticjed everywhere
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
