I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
