Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
