Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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