He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
