His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So many bounce houses so little time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
