I hate all girls vehemently.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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