Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
