Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
