how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
