I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
