He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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