Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
