I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
