even my farts smell like vagina
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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