I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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