maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
