Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got inside last night via doggy door
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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