OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
