the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
