he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
