It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
