Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
