You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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