apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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