Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
