i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
