he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize