guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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