I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
