some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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