I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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