i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
