Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
