Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
