found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
