There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
