You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
