I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
