Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
