oh god the rape fog is back!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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