worst night to have a conscience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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