I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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