My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
