I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize