Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
